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Some personal experience from a Chinese student - Start the conversation. Finns are too shy to speak first even though they want to talk to you, so you should always be prepared to be the one who starts. You have to "break the ice" since Finns are used to ice. - Rememeber their names. This applies to anyone who wants to make friends. Next time when you see him, call out his name "Moi Mika!" It is easier to keep their names in mind if you write down also the place and time you have met. Yep, Mika might not remember your name because it is some long-and-difficult "zhuangjiong" or "xiangzhong", but he will remember you from at least this moment on because you remembered him. The easier way is to exchange your phone numbers with family names so that you do not get messed up with the five different Mikas you know. - Study some Finnish, especially when your English is ugly. Finns easily chat up with people who speak beautiful English, but in the end you have to speak some Finnish. Learn some useful sentences that will immediately pull you nearer to the Finns. For example you don't always say "Mitä kuuluu?", it can be "Mitä mies?". Chinese usually do not want to learn Finnish language because we do not consider it useful. But who knows? If you learn it well you probably will get a job in Finland, then it is really useful for the rest of your life. Hint: Say "Hei hei" makes you old-styled, so say "Moikka" or "Heippa" when talking with your young friends. - With whom I can make friends? Good question. Anyone nice to you can become your friend. A good starting point is your international student tutors, they usually do like to make friends with foreigners. You can learn something about Finns from them and then start to explore the rest. But remember your international tutor is usually a too-friendly-example of Finns and not all Finns are as open-minded as them, since many Finns have never met a foreigner before and do not know how to adjust the cultural difference - so YOU have to know it. - Join the party. You probably have noticed that your teamwork mate from the same class does not consider you as a friend even if you have spent half a year together doing the course. So join the parties! Ask your mate what is going on and suggest that you go to parties together. If he likes you he will of course say Kyllä. - "I do not drink alcohol!" You do not have to. Finns need alcohol to boost the courage to talk to you, you just need some Coca-Cola. The day after the party your classmate will still be quiet but your distance is much closer now. - Still cannot get a friend? I have to say that many Teekkarit in Otaniemi are bizarre people. Teekkarit are not representatives of Finns, they are a special group, like our Tsinghua. Do not be discouraged, there are 5 million Finns in Finland and you will always have a chance - and Finnish girls are more friendly than guys. (Chinese men should learn to respect women from all aspects as women are the dominant party in this society.) - Finns are not cold, they just warm up slowly. When you get a real Finnish friend, you get this friend for your lifetime. It takes time, slow yourself down as well. Overact just scare Finns away, if a Finn does not want to talk, save your conversation for the party night. - About discrimination. It exists, but mostly not to us Chinese. We are in a much better situation compared with some nationalities. Finns are basically friendly, kind-hearted and honest people, we should appreciate their straightness. Somehow also remember that Finns can be a bit narrow-minded. Be friendly yourself first. - General issue: Remember that we are a well-educated group. Be open, and bear in mind that "when in Rome, blahblahblah". Try your best to understand things that are different from Chinese culture, otherwise just forget them - Because when you have too much complaint and dissatisfaction on your mind it appears on your face! (I can see some Chinese with that face, as a Chinese I do not feel like talking to them, not to mention others.) We should also realize that, even if we live in China, it is difficult to get a true friend as an adult, our best friends are mostly from childhood. Many of us believe in "Yuan Fen" (fate), but your ATTITUDE may lead your life to a different direction. So much with my personal experience. There are many ways to friendship, you should learn by taking actions. source:hut
| [发布：北京时间 2005/1/10 16:51:48] |
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